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Clever Stuff!! Learning All The Time.

In the 1400’s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have ‘the rule of thumb’

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled ‘Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden’.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.

  • The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
  • Coca-Cola was originally green.
  • It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  • The cost of raising a medium-size dog
    to the age of eleven:
    £ 10,120.00
  • The first novel ever
    written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
  • Each king in a deck of playing cards represents
    a great king from history:
    Spades – King David
    Hearts – Charlemagne
    Clubs -Alexander, the Great
    Diamonds – Julius Caesar
  • 111,111,111 x
    111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
    If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
    If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

    Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter ‘A’?
    A. One thousand

  • Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
    A. All were invented by women.
  • Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
    A. HoneyIn Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
    When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
    making the bed firmer to sleep on.
    Hence the phrase…’Goodnight , sleep tight’
  • It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
  • In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts….
    So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down. It’s where we get the phrase: ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’
  • Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this practice.
  • At least 75% of people who read this will try to
    lick their elbow!
  • Don’t delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not,
    you can read it.I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
  • YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2015 when…

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family
of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries…

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom
of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting
your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no 9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t
a 9 on this list

Learning is such fun, right!!!!!!


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Affiliate Marketing SAS!

Hi all, hope you’re all well.

I just added my new product Affiliate Marketing SAS to JV Zoo, so if you want to earn 50%
commissions on any sales as an affiliate, please take a look at the sales page here.

‘Affiliate Marketing S.A.S.’ is a powerful new Top Quality, Step
By Step Video Course where I reveal Simple Strategies for
producing big profits by promoting affiliate products (like all of the
products that you can promote and generate a commission from at
Clickbank.com, among others)…

The product sells for $27.00 and you get 50% for each sale, so if you want to earn some
extra cash and help people get ahead in the
affiliate marketing arena, please take a look, you may be glad you
did.

Thanks and best regards,

 


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A Bit of Fun For Friday!!

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

Paddy says “Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador .”Really, …” says Mick “have you seen how many of their owners go blind”

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest p* nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg”.

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
she was poor – she only had $3.50 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my
girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid…….then I was petrified.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time….

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin, 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to
Our local pet shop and they were $70!!! blow this, I thought, I can
get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I
could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an NRMA van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown.’

 

 

 


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Merry Christmas!!

Just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year and thanks for all the comments.

All the best to you and yours.

Best Regards,

Steve.


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2 TOUGH QUESTIONS…. INTERESTING.

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and
she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote
counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He’s had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
Martinis a day.

Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium
in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero. He’s a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke,
drinks an occasional beer and never committed adultery.

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first… No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.

 

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn’t it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.

Remember:

Amateurs … Built the ark.
Professionals … Built the Titanic


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Total Web Traffic – One For The Little Guys!

We all know that to make sales in any business, we need to have customers! How do we get customers? We have to show them what we have to offer. It’s no good opening a shop and not telling anyone you just opened!! You need to let them know what you do and how they can get hold of your
product or service.

With an online business, it’s all about numbers (as with most businesses) “The more you tell, the more you sell” You must have a constant stream of targeted traffic to your offer/product, otherwise there are no sales. Sales are the life blood of any business be it online or off.

I’m so pleased to finally see that somebody has thought of the little guys when creating a product.

Dave Nicholson has just released an excellent new product called tackling just this issue.  ‘Total Web Traffic’ and it really does offer exactly what is needed for the every day user.

Total Web Traffic is a great traffic course with loads of high quality videos that show you where to get started and there is a whole load of information, advice and tips, separated into tidy little modules so that it’s really easy to follow.

There are even interviews with some massive marketers who explain their own methods that they use to gain immense amounts of targeted traffic to their sites.

I would really recommend this for anybody, either starting out or even fully established. Because, like Dave says: “Why settle for a few hundred if you can have a few thousand, and why settle for a few thousand when you can have a few hundred thousand visitors”

I’d highly recommend Total Web Traffic.

My best to you,

Steve Cottrell.

 

 

 


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Political Spin on a Horse Thief!!

No matter what side of the AISLE you’re on, THIS is FUNNY!
Judy Walkman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid’s great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.

Gallows

Above is the only known photograph of Remus. It shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory:
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: ‘Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.’

So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.

Harry Reid:
Believe it or not, Harry Reid’s staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

Reid

“Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”

NOW THAT’s how it’s done, Folks! That’s real POLITICAL SPIN !!!

 

 

 


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Knowledge is Power!!!

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London, which used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung. The horse-drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ”ONE LAST DRINK’‘. If he said YES, it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD. If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON.
So there you go. More bleeding history.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were “p!ss poor”, but worse than that were the really poor folk, who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot, they “Didn’t have a pot to p!ss in” and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!”

Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, “dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside.. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold. (Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ”Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old”.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “Bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ”chew the fat”.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ”The Upper Crust”.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ”Holding a Wake”.

England was old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus someone could be, ”Saved by the Bell ”or was considered a ”Dead Ringer”
And that’s the truth.

Now, whoever said history was boring ! ! !

So .. . . get out there and educate someone! Share these facts with a friend, like I just did!


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An Interesting Thought: Pass the Butter, Please.

 

pass the butter

pass the butter

Pass The Butter … Please.

This is interesting . .. .

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back.

It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow colouring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavourings….

DO YOU KNOW the difference between margarine and butter?

Read on to the end…gets very interesting!

Both have the same amount of calories.

Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams; compared to 5 grams for margarine.

Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.

Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.

Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few and only because they are added!

Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavours of other foods.

Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.

And now, for Margarine..

Very High in Trans fatty acids.

Triples risk of coronary heart disease …

Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)

Increases the risk of cancers up to five times..

Lowers quality of breast milk

Decreases immune response.

Decreases insulin response.

And here’s the most disturbing fact… HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC… and shares 27 ingredients with PAINT

These facts alone were enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).

Open a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things:

* no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)

* it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic . Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?

Share This With Your Friends…..(If you want to ‘butter them up’ for better health)!

Chinese Proverb:
When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.

Pass the BUTTER PLEASE.


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I would have given him 100%………

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% IN AN EXAM.

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* At the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
*Liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* Exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* T he other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Think outside the box!!!!!!!!!!

The best to you,

Steve.

 

 

 


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